The Style Invitational Week 991 V-O-T-E now
By Pat Myers, Updated: Thursday, October 4, 3:30 PM
Vel-veto: A smooth, easy-to-swallow but
ultimately cheesy rejection: “He gave her the old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’
vel-veto.”
Love-toad: The once and future prince.
Given that the results to
this contest will be published the weekend before Election Day, we figured that
the letter block for our ninth annual Tour de Fours neologism contest ought to
be pertinent (but shouldn’t be a-r-g-h). This week: Create a new word or
two-word term containing the letter block V, O, T and E and define it, as in
the examples above; those four letters may be in any order, but there may be no
other letters between them. Hyphenate and capitalize (or not) as you wish.
Using the word in a funny sentence is fine; using the word in a blah sentence
is unfine.
Winner gets the Inkin’
Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place receives a vintage but unused U.S. military surplus “Supporter, Athletic”
from 1946. Donated by Loser Andrea Kelly, who dates from well after that. It’s
the Style Invitational, where we give you an old jock for your new joke.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a
smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail
entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday,
Oct. 15; results published Nov. 4 (online Nov. 1). No more than 25
entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 991” in your e-mail subject line or
it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by
Beverley Sharp; the alternative headline in the “next
week’s results” line is by Chris Doyle. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
Report from Week 987, our perennial contest in which we asked contestants to take any
headline from a week’s worth of The Washington Post and washingtonpost.com and
follow it with a made-up “bank head,” or secondary headline, that either
misinterpreted the original or commented humorously on it:
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
(Actual Post headline)
Romney: ‘The sky seems to be crying’
(Fake bank head) ‘It’s called
rain, sir,’ explains butler who had accidentally lowered boss’s umbrella
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
2. Winner of the Japanese
teeny toy potty with rubbery yellow mini-poo: Nats throw away chance at the
end, fall to Atlanta
New version of ‘Gone With the
Wind’ is big hit in Ga. (Steve Honley, Washington)
3. With Senate at stake, GOP
awaits Akin’s next move
Many hope it’s to Paraguay
(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)
4. Rookie Morris gives ground
game just what it needs
New Redskins chef makes
perfectly seasoned squirrelburgers (Larry Carnahan, Arlington, Va.)
The outer banks: honorable mentions
Thousands protest new
austerity cuts
‘Keep government’s hands off
our austerity!’ protesters chant (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Bound for greatness, but not
yet
New Obama campaign slogan
announced (David Ballard, Reston, Va.)
Councilman’s license
suspended in past
Brown says he can’t produce
document because of ‘time warp’ problem (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
Obama reaches out to
middle-class voters in Colorado
GOP accuses president of
‘inappropriate touching’ (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Capitals players prepare for
lockout
Hide extra Verizon Center key
under mat (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)
Garcon ‘very limited’ in
practice
Maitre d’ slams trainee for
insufficient snottiness (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)
Woolly Mammoth goes to the
mat, artfully
But mastodon can’t master
backflip on the balance beam (Gary Sampliner, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)
Prince Harry back in
Afghanistan
Palace relieved he escaped
Vegas to safer locale (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
Reiley loses job at MWAA
Aunt Edith deemed much better
at making kissing noises (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)
A rockin’ place to be
Veranda is most popular area
at Lazy Acres Nursing Home (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Chris Christie versus the
world
‘May the bigger equator win,’
says N.J. governor (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
After robbery, church won’t
change open-door policy
Action delayed until door is
recovered (Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)
Lessons learned in College
Park
Experimental academic
offering complements football program (Elden Carnahan)
Where are all the Redskins
bars?
Fans complain of poor
cellphone reception at FedEx (Matt Monitto, Elon, N.C.)
Tuskegee Airman broke
barriers
WWII Army deducted barrier
cost from his paycheck each month (Mel Loftus, Alexandria, Va.)
A 60-day drive to Election
Day gets underway
Romney vows this time Seamus
will ride inside car (Robert Schechter)
DNA considered in MacDonald
case
Farmer to stick with EIEIO
(Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)
Citing leak, Netanyahu defers
security meeting
‘When you gotta
go. . .’ prime minister explains (Roy Ashley, Washington)
He had the world on a violin
string — until it unraveled
New theory of creation poses
challenge to Flying Spaghetti Monster (Adam and Russell Beland, Fairfax, Va.)
The top cars for tailgating
Models with good brakes top
the list (Zack Beland, Fairfax, Va.)
A president cornered
Obama stunned to find his
office no longer oval (Ira Allen)
Take the kids this weekend
Desperate for break, local
mom goes public with plea (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Born with a one-way ticket
south [an article about dragonfly migration]
Breast-sagging linked to
genetics (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Love of the Boss crosses
party lines
Holidays especially tricky
time for office romance (Steve Honley)
Vick salvages ugly opener
Inexplicably scores in bar
with ‘Hey, baby, what’s your sign?’ (Mel Loftus)
Friday’s top rushers, passers
Police release list of
Beltway’s most obnoxious drivers (Beverley Sharp)
Become a snap organizer
Clothing factories offer jobs
you’ve never even heard of (Christopher Lamora)
Precipitation, participation,
perspiration
‘. . .
preparation! THAT’s what I was supposed to do,’ Eastwood says (Gary Crockett)
Medvedev: Release three punk
rockers
A, ‘And give them a
five-minute head start’ (Gary Crockett)
B. Hope he didn’t really say
‘rockets’ (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Bartlett says he regrets
remark
‘Just wanted to get in my own
dang book,’ says quotation compiler (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Obama doubles down
White House
pillows restuffed with extra feathers (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Maryland at Temple
Jewish holiday draws entire
state population (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
Clinton urges calm as Asian
nations feud
Stress, for once, dampens
ex-president’s libido (Roger Hammons, Ashburn, Va.)
Recognizing the sacrifices of
grandparents
Continued denial of Nana and
Pop-Pop’s Santeria rituals is futile (Jeff Contompasis)
Breast-feeding professor
spurs debate
‘If students can have a snack
in class, why can’t I?’ he asks (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Ovarian cancer screenings not
recommended as a routine
Miss America contestant must
find new talent (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.; Melissa Balmain)
Strasburg decision will be
felt for years to come
Pitcher invited to choose
Nats’ new ball caps for next decade, goes retro (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring,
Md.)
More officials on board to
connect Loudoun, Prince William
Critics claim a road would
work better (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
Millions saved by teleworking
New no-visit strategy pays
off for Jehovah’s Witnesses (Steve Honley)
Nicaragua refuses departure
of U.S. citizen after prison release
Farting in jail cell earns
him another 30 days (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)
And last: Influential
imbeciles
But others claim Style
Invitational Losers actually have no clout (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Next week’s results: A Faster Break, or
Fools Speed Ahead,